The other morning I had an appointment with my Rheumatologist to receive my 2 infusions for Rheumatoid Arthritis. The routine is always to stop at the window first to schedule more appts. for future infusions. There is just something about writing transmitted information on my calendar!!! Why is it always so difficult?!! I cannot blame it on my hearing because that is AOK!
I cannot describe how frustrated and angry that I always feel when this happens! The receptionist is always so kind and patient. If I could count the times that I felt like saying to her, "I used to be a smart person with a brain!!!"
My point being is that if I am not careful, I can start beating myself up! You are so dumb, stupid, an idiot! You get the picture. The sad reality of choosing to think badly of oneself can lead us down an unhealthy path of negative thinking.. For myself, knowing how my thought processes work, I can be cognizant of the cycle.
For example, if I think that I am worthless, self talk may continue as follows: " You are sick all the time! You never finish anything! You are so lazy! You are a terrible wife!" Then after going thru my litany of self hate, I usually will feel bad, low, sad or depressed. Then how do depressed people act? For me, I usually isolate myself, won't leave home, won't talk to friends, may not get dressed. If you have been in therapy, you are probably well aware of this cognitive behavioral model of thinking. It is critical for me to try and catch myself in the negative thinking, and reframe my thoughts. Sadly, there is so much negativity surrounding autoimmune diseases and chronic pain, that people that suffer from these horrible conditions don't need their own self talk to add insult to injury.
I remember sharing early on that I choose to think more negatively than positively, unfortunately. For me, when I struggle with anxiety or depression, I can become overwhelmed with guilt, shame, and other difficult emotions. I may have to ask myself what was I thinking? I have to back track a lot! My unhealthy thoughts can have a direct correlation to depressive behaviors!
Let us hear from you! Are you guilty of the same thing?
Are we having fun yet?!!!
I know exactly what you mean. On those days that I’m tired and I know I need to rest - the negative thoughts start reminding me that I should be doing something instead of resting. I have to keep telling myself it’s ok to rest.